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• Those preflight safety instructions: "Your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device.
  Folks, if we're crashing, my seat cushion's gonna be used as a toilet! -- Tom Park...
• Sonic the Hedgehog is my roll model.
• Why are <ethnic> toilet paper rolls 2 miles long? The first 1.5 miles are instructions.
• You roll my log, and I will roll yours. -- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
• Did you hear about the Newfie that Took a roll of toilet paper to a crap game.
• Help! My keyboard is stuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.
• Help! Save my walrus!
• Help! There's a cow in my esophagus!