Related:

• I got into an elevator at work and this man followed in after me.
  .. I pushed '1' and he just stood there... I said 'Hi, where you going?...
• Aunt Patty: "Nothing dear, I'm just trashing your father.
  Lisa: "Well, I wish you wouldn't because, aside from the fact that he has the same frailties as all human beings, he's the only father I have therefore he is my model of manhood and my estimation of him will govern my prospects of my adult relationships....
• Lisa: What, Aunt Patty? Patty: Oh, nothing, dear. I'm just trashing your father.
  Lisa: Well, I wish you wouldn't because, aside from the fact that he has the same frailties as all human beings, he's the only father I have....
• Smithers: [chuckles] Perfect. When I give the signal, you transfer the call to Mr.
  Burns. After she tears into him I'll rush in and save the day....
• Burns: But they're so wretchedly adorable. 25 little Rory Calhouns.
  ..I can't do it. But I can kill you. [Lisa whimpers like a puppy] No, I can't kill you either....
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• Well, anyway, I was reading this James Bond book, and right away I realized that like most books, it had too many words.
  The plot was the same one that all James Bond books have...
• They say in an awkward or embarrassing situation don't freeze up.
  Pay a compliment. You will lessen the tension. I remembered that....
• Chandler: And this manchild has no problem with how old you are?
  Monica: No, of course not. It´s not even an issue....