Now you're ready for the actual shopping. Your goal should be to get it over with as quickly as possible,

Now you're ready for the actual shopping. Your goal should be to get it
over with as quickly as possible, because the longer you stay in the mall,
the longer your children will have to listen to holiday songs on the mall
public-address system, and many of these songs can damage children
emotionally. For example: "Frosty the Snowman" is about a snowman who
befriends some children, plays with them until they learn to love him, then
melts. And "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" is about a young reindeer who,
because of a physical deformity, is treated as an outcast by the other
reindeer. Then along comes good, old Santa. Does he ignore the deformity?
Does he look past Rudolph's nose and respect Rudolph for the sensitive
reindeer he is underneath? No. Santa asks Rudolph to guide his sleigh, as
if Rudolph were nothing more than some kind of headlight with legs and a
tail. So unless you want your children exposed to this kind of insensitivity,
you should shop quickly.
-- Dave Barry