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• Anybody abuse rental cars? If I'm really bored I'll take one to Earl Scheib and have it painted for $
  29.95. This really messes up their paperwork for months and months....
• Gimme, a match, I think my gas tank is empty.
• Marge: [panicked] I think I'll go get a picture of the plane taking off.
  [struggles with her seat belt] Homer: Marge, what's wrong?...
• Texas A&M football coach Jackie Sherrill went to the office of the Dean of Academics because he was concerned about his players' mental abilities.
  "My players are just too stupid for me to deal with them", he told the unbelieving dean....
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• My Bonnie looked into a gas tank The height of its contents to see She lighted a match to assist her Oh bring back my Bonnie to me.
• A cop stopped me for speeding. He said, 'Why were you going so fast?
  ' I said, 'See this thing my foot is on? It's called an accelerator....
• Marge: 90% of the time, if the gas isn't pumping, this is your problem.
  [turns a switch at back which resets the pump] Evely...
• I was driving down the street at 100 miles per hour for no reason.
  The police stopped me for speeding. They said, "Why were you going so fast?...