Related:

• Marge: Now wait a minute, I'm not sure about this. Every time we've ever gone on vacation I end up being horribly embarrassed.
  We end up in a big fight and we come home more miserable than when we left....
• Instead of a Seeing Eye dog, what about a gun? It's cheaper than a dog, plus if you walk around shooting all the time people are going to get out of the way.
  Cars, too! -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Largo: [tapping on music stand] Lisa. [taps louder] LISA SIMPSON!
  [finally attracting her attention] Lisa, there's no room for crazy bebop in "My Country 'Tis of Thee"....
• Fresh beauty opens one's eyes wherever it is really seen, but the very abundance and completeness of the common beauty that besets our steps prevents its being absorbed and appreciated.
  It is a good thing, therefore, to make short excursions now and then to the bottom of the sea among dulse and coral, or up among the clouds on mountain-tops, or in balloons, or even to creep like worms into dark holes and caverns underground, not only to learn something of what is going on in those out-of-the-way places, but to see better what the sun sees on our return to common everyday beauty....
• In what can only be described as a surprise move, God has officially announced His candidacy for the U.
  S. presidency. During His press conference today, the first in over 4000 years, He is quoted as saying, "I think I have a chance for the White House if I can just get my campaign pulled together in time....
• Moe: [sniffing a cigar] Ah, this place is going to smell classy all week.
  Barney: To Homer, the Wall Street genius! [everyone claps as Homer bows] [Homer lights a cigar with a $...
• Marge: I'm very sorry you feel that way, because John invited us all out for a drive today, and we're going.
  Homer: Woah-ho-ho, not me! And not because John's gay, but because he's a sneak....
• Thousands of tired, nerve-shaken, over-civilized people are beginning to find out that going to the mountains is going home
  hat wildness is a necessity; and that mountain parks and reservations are useful not only as fountains of timber and irrigating rivers, but as fountains of life....
• The amount of common sense is fixed, but the population keeps going up.