Related:

• PRIVATE, n. A military gentleman with a field-marshal's baton in his knapsack and an impediment in his hope.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• ETHNOLOGY, n. The science that treats of the various tribes of Man, as robbers, thieves, swindlers, dunces, lunatics, idiots and ethnologists.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• WIT, n. The salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• Wit, n.: The salt with which the American Humorist spoils his cookery .
  .. by leaving it out. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• Birth, n.: The first and direst of all disasters.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• Honorable, adj.: Afflicted with an impediment in one's reach.
  In legislative bodies, it is customary to mention all members as honorable...