Related:

• Some people drive as if turn signals were an option.
• Marge: The national grammar rodeo? I wish I were going.
  Oh, wait, wait; I wish I _was_ going. Is that right, Bart?...
• Marge: Why don't we do something to take our minds off the storm?
  [looks through a box] Oooh, a Rubik's Cube!...
• bug n. An unwanted and unintended property of a program or piece of hardware, esp.
  one that causes it to malfunction. Antonym of feature....
• How many American standup comedians -- does it take to change a light bulb?
  You know what bugs me about light bulbs? The other night I was flying cross country and the f****** stewardess started telling me about her cat....
• You know you're in a small town when... You don't use turn signals because everybody knows where you're going.
  You're born on June 13 and your family receives gifts from the local merchants because you're the first baby of the year....
• It is my opinion that the use of this barbarous weapon at Hiroshima and Nagasaki was of no material assistance in our war against Japan.
  The Japanese were already defeated and ready to surrender because of the effective sea blockade and the successful bombing with conventional weapons....
• Homer: ... Your turn. Lisa: Hmm, truth. Homer: Uh, do you have a crush on anyone?
  Lisa: Dad! Homer: I , oh, I won't tell anybody. Lisa...
• Why on earth would an anarchist possibly want to kill you?
  I think it might have been _you_ he was after, sir....