Related:

• Sell your mountain-side chalet. You never used it much anyway.
  -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid....
• Try to appreciate sex with your knees tied together.
  (This may be slightly more challenging if you are female....
• Discover that you *can* eat seaweed. -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
• If you dye your hair, don't use water-soluble dyes.
  It is hell trying to get the colour out of your eyebrows....
• Throw away that vibrator device that is supposed to take fat off your thighs.
  Admit it, the thing never worked, did it? -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid....
• Trade in your Harley-Davidson for a motor scooter. That way you won't have to make a choice about whether you get to change gears, or use the brakes.
  -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid....
• Act like a cartoon character. Most of your companions will be.
  -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid....
• Donate your shoe collection to Imelda Marcos. -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
• Don't worry about ladders in your stockings. -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.