SON: Have You Ever Smoked Opium? FATHER: Certainly Not!

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SON: Have you ever smoked opium?

FATHER: Certainly not! Gives you constipation. Dreadful binding effect.
Ever see those pictures of the wretched poet Samuel T. Coleridge? Green
around the gills. And a stranger to the lavatory. Avoid opium.
-- John Mortimer

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