Related:

• PHILANTHROPIST, n. A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• BENEFACTOR, n. One who makes heavy purchases of ingratitude, without, however, materially affecting the price, which is still within the means of all.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• ACCORD, n. Harmony. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary
• IMPUNITY, n. Wealth. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary
• TRUCE, n. Friendship. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary
• ACCORDION, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.
  -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary...
• ACHIEVEMENT, n. The death of endeavor and the birth of disgust.
  -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary...
• BILLINGSGATE, n. The invective of an opponent. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary
• Birth, n.: The first and direst of all disasters. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary