Related:

• If it's so safe to fly, why do they give you an hour of instructions when you get on the plane?
  Have safety instructions where you know it's dangerous to travel--like the New York City subway system....
• Bart: [reading a test question] The 7:30am express train travelling at 60 miles an hour leaves Santa Fe bound for Phoenix, [chews on his pencil] 520 miles away.
  Ms.K: Shhh! [points to her head] Visualize it, Bart!...
• I came down from Jacksonville on a train that was the slowest train I'd ever been on.
  I said to the conductor, "Can't you run any faster?...
• Don't tell me I'm burning the candle at both ends -- tell me where to get more wax!!
• Don't tell me I'm burning the candle at both ends -- tell me where to get more wax!!
• Cheshire-Puss," she began, "would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?
  "That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat....
• If you can't make both ends meat, make one end vegetable.
• You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the tracks.