Related:

• My father taught me three things: 1: Never mix whiskey with anything but water.
  2: Never try to draw to an inside straight. 3: Never discuss business with anyone who refuses to give his name....
• In the old days in Finland, all young men had to go through some rites of passage to show that they were REAL FINNISH MEN.
  The usual set consisted of three tests: 1) Empty a full bottle of vodka without pause, 2) Go out in the forest to kill a bear with bare hands, and 3) rape a woman....
• How many QA engineers -- does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
  3: 1 to screw it in and 2 to say "I told you so" when it doesn't work....
• Everyone who comes in here wants three things: 1.
  They want it quick. 2. They want it good. 3....
• Everyone who comes in here wants three things: 1. They want it quick.
  2. They want it good. 3. They want it cheap. I tell 'em to pick two and call me back....
• If I could read your mind, love, What a tale your thoughts could tell
  Just like a paperback novel, The kind the drugstore sells, When you reach the part where the heartaches come, The hero would be me, Heroes often fail, You won't read that book again, because the ending is just too hard to take....
• When I was born my father spent three weeks trying to find a loophole in my birth certificate.
  -- Jackie Verno...
• gumby /guhm'bee/ n. [from a class of Monty Python characters, poss.
  with some influence from the 1960s claymation character] 1....