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• My boy is mean kid. I came home the other day and saw him taping worms to the sidewalk, he sits there and watches the birds get hernias.
  Well, only last Christmas I gave him a B-B gun and he gave me a sweatshirt with a bulls-eye on the back....
• Aardvarking my baby back home.
• I got a Motie in my eye.
• I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home. --Robert Orbe
• Rats! My fiwer must have slipped.
• When I was 16, I thought there was no hope for my father.
  By the time I was 20, he had made great improvement....
• I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes.
  -- George Carli...
• MS-DOS causes deafness and hair loss when used by laboratory rats.