Related:

• Late last night I slew my wife, Stretched her on the parquet flooring
  I was loath to take her life, But I had to stop her snoring! -- Harry Graham...
• Alex came home from a business trip to Chicago and found no one home but his daughter Rose, who was crying bitterly.
  "What's the matter, darling?" asked Alex. "Mommy almost died last night," sobbed Rose....
• When Grandmama fell off the boat And couldn't swim (and wouldn't float), Matilda just stood by and smiled.
  I almost could have slapped the child. -- Harry Graham...
• Stayed in bed all morning just to pass the time, There's something wrong here
  here can be no more denying, One of us is changing, or maybe we just stopped trying, And it's too late, baby, now, it's too late, Though we really did try to make it, Something inside has died and I can't hide and I just can't fake it....
• Stacy: [the doll] My name is Stacy, but you can call me [wolf whistle].
  Stacy: I see exactly what you mean; this is a problem....
• A is for Amy who fell down the stairs, B is for Basil assaulted by bears.
  C is for Clair who wasted away, D is for Desmond thrown out of the sleigh....