Related:

• You may be redneck... if you use aluminum foil in place of curtains.
• You may be redneck... if you use an oily rag for a gas-cap.
• I would have you imagine, then, that there exists in the mind of man a block of wax.
  .. and that we remember and know what is imprinted as long as the image la...
• Pornography, when once purchased, contains the fruitful seeds of complete boredom.
• When prosperity comes, do not use all of it. -- Confuciu
• To seal or not to seal, that is a ziplock.
• I'm a nuclear submarine under the polar ice cap and I need a Kleenex! -- Zippy the Pinhead
• One of these days in your travels, a guy is going to come up to you and show you a nice
  brand- new deck of cards on which the seal is not yet broken, and this guy is going to offer to bet you that he can make the jack of spades jump out of the deck and squirt cider in your ear....
• Son, someday a man is going to walk up to you with a deck of cards on which the seal is not yet broken.
  And he is going to offer to bet you that he can make the Ace of Spades jump out of the deck and squirt cider in your ears....