Chipmunks Roasting On An Open Fire Jack Frost Ripping Up Your Nose Yuletide Carolers Being Thrown In The Fire And Folks Dressed Up Like Buffaloes Everybody Knows A Turkey Slaughtered In The Snow Helps To Make The Season Right Tiny Tots With Their Eyes All Gouged Out Will Find It Hard To See Tonight They Know That Santa's On His Way He's Loaded Lots Of Guns And Bullets On His Sleigh And Every Mother's Child Is Sure To Spy To See If Reindeer Really Scream When They Die And So I'm Offering This Simple Phrase To Kids From One To Ninety Two Although It's Been Said Many Time

Chipmunks Roasting On An Open Fire Jack Frost Ripping Up Your Nose Yuletide Carolers Being Thrown In The Fire And Folks Dressed Up Like Buffaloes Everybody Knows A Turkey Slaughtered In The Snow Helps To Make The Season Right Tiny Tots With Their Eyes All Gouged Out Will Find It Hard To See Tonight They Know That Santa's On His Way He's Loaded Lots Of Guns And Bullets On His Sleigh And Every Mother's Child Is Sure To Spy To See If Reindeer Really Scream When They Die And So I'm Offering This Simple Phrase To Kids From One To Ninety Two Although It's Been Said Many Time

Home › Fortune Cookies › Best Fortunes

Chipmunks roasting on an open fire
Jack Frost ripping up your nose
Yuletide carolers being thrown in the fire
And folks dressed up like buffaloes
Everybody knows a turkey slaughtered in the snow
Helps to make the season right
Tiny tots with their eyes all gouged out
Will find it hard to see tonight
They know that Santa's on his way
He's loaded lots of guns and bullets on his sleigh
And every mother's child is sure to spy
To see if reindeer really scream when they die
And so I'm offering this simple phrase
To kids from one to ninety two
Although it's been said many times, many ways
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Fuck you!!

Related:

Twas the night before Christmas -- the very last one -- When the blazing of lasers destroyed all our fun.
Just as Santa had lifted off, driving his sleigh, A satellite spotted him making his way....
Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Seaso...
Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
Chorus: Grandma got run over by a reindeer, Walking home from our house Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa, But as for me and Grandpa, we believe!...
Smithers: Attention all personnel. Please keep working during the following announcement.
And now, our boss and friend, Mr. Burns....
Brodka: Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Simpson? This is detective Don Brodka from Try-N-Save security.
That's right, Don Brodka. Your son Bart has been caught shoplifting....
And I heard Jeff exclaim, as they strolled out of sight, "Merry Christmas to all -- you take credit cards, right?
Merry Christmas to all from the feline furrie
A Southern boy graduates from high school heads north to college, taking the family dog, Old Blue with him, for company.
He's only been there a few weeks when he gets a call from his girlfriend...