Related:

• Better a bottle in front of me than a Frontal Lobotomy.
• While looking for a Real Job (read: technical writing), I've been paying the bills doing medical transcription work.
  I came across a book today called "The Empty Laugh Book" by the American Association for Medical Transcription, containing some of the funniest dictated and transcribed quotes from the world of medicine that I've ever encountered....
• I see that your second lobotomy finally took hold.
• While giving a physical, the doctor noticed that his patient's shins were covered with dark, savage bruises.
  "Tell me," said the doctor, "Do you play hockey or soccer?...
• I remember when I swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills.
  I get no respect - my doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest ......
• A mexican bandito asked his friend if he knows Pancho Villa.
  "Do I know Pancho Villa? Do _I_ know Pancho Villa?...
• Today marks the first birthday of rec.humor.funny. Thanks to all my submitters for a funny year, and thanks to the readers, too.
  (Please don't mail to thank me, the 700 Poll responses were enough....
• 48pt) ME? A GREAT LEADER? (12 pt) "ME, START A VANGUARD PARTY TO LEAD THE WORKING CLASS TO REVOLUTION?
  YOU MUST BE KIDDING!" JUST IMAGINE BEING A RESPECTED AND BELOVED FATHERLY LEADER UNDER WHOSE WISE GUIDANCE THE REVOLUTIONARY MASSES WILL FORGE AHEAD DAILY WITH THE FIERY ZEAL OF A "SPEED-UP" CAMPAIGN!...