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• You think you have problems? My sundial is running slow.
• If you think Windows is slow, try Norton DeskTop!
• Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you.
• You think you got troubles? I got in bed with some broad last week.
  She says "I didn't know you had such a tiny organ" I told her "I didn't know I was gonna play in a cathedral....
• If you are smoking after sex, SLOW DOWN.
• Jealousy is all the fun you think they have.
• How can I ever thank you?" gushed a woman to Clarence Darrow, after he had solved her legal troubles.
  "My dear woman," Darrow replied, "ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that question....