Related:

• Once upon a time there was a sperm named Stanley who lived inside a famous movie actor.
  Stanley was a very healthy sperm. He'd do pushups and somersaults and limber himself up all the time, while the other sperm just lay around on their fat asses not doing a thing....
• Nothing wrong with sheep, of course. It's just that you have to run around the front every time you want to kiss them.
• RULES AT WORK 1. If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.
  2. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt....
• Why A Woman Does Not Need A Man... ** If you want someone who'll make a total fool of himself because he's so glad to see you, get a dog.
  ** If you want someone who's always ready to go out any time you ask, get a dog....
• IT'S NOT EASY BEING A GUY If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist.
  If you stay home and do the housework, you're a sissy....
• Before I Went To College I Wish I Had Known: That it didn't matter how late I scheduled my first class, I'd sleep through it anyway.
  That I could change so much and barely realize it....
• REASONS TO STAY STRESSED: * STRESS HELPS YOU SEEM IMPORTANT
  Anyone as stressed as you must be working very hard and, therefore, is probably doing something very crucial....
• Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
  Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you....
• It's Tuff To Be A Guy... If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.
  If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum....