REASONS TO HATE COMPUTERS They Cost Too Much. They Break Down All The Time.

REASONS TO HATE COMPUTERS

They cost too much.
They break down all the time.
They're too hard to fix.
All the different brands are incompatible.
They take up too much desk space.
They become obsolete five minutes after you leave the store.
They don't understand plain English.
You can't fix them by whacking them a few times with a hammer.
Electronic bulletin boards never have enough thumbtacks.
You have to know how to type to use them.
They lose your data every time there's an electrical storm in the
Western Hemisphere.
They give off weird, otherworldly radiation that probably causes
cancer but we won't find out until we all have it. And they make you go
blind too.
They all have three-pronged plugs, and it's a two-pronged world.
There are too many kinds to choose from.
All of them are lousy anyway.
Our grandparents never had them, and they got along just fine.
They're taking away people's jobs.
They don't do anything the average person needs.
They're ugly.
Printer ribbons have to be replaced too frequently.
They think the world can be reduced to strings of ones and zeros.
They forget everything they know the instant you turn them off.
Storing words on disks never made any sense and it never will.
Five cables sticking out of an appliance is cruel and unusual punishment.
Computer paper is cheap and flimsy.
Printers sound like World War III.
Since diskettes are not female disks, they have no right to their own word.
Computer furniture is uncomfortable and looks lousy around the house.
Computer salesmen are sleazeballs.
Instruction manuals are written by illiterate sadists.
When they sell you a $500 computer, they forget to mention that you have to
spend another $1,500 in order to do anything with it.
Most computers have dumb names.
How can you respect any machine controlled by a mouse?
Right now some kid is trying to figure out how he can use one to start a
nuclear war.
It hurts your back to sit in front of one for a long time.
They don't make good conversation at parties.
They are an escape from the reality of life.
When you make a mistake using one, you can't blame it on anybody.
Women don't seem to like them.
They are God's way of telling you that you're not confused enough.
It's too easy to get a shock by licking the stamps on electronic mail.
If there weren't any computers, we wouldn't have computer errors, computer
crime, or computer nerds.
If computers can tap into information networks thousands of miles away, how
come they can't load the program I just bought down the street?
They're no good for balancing a checking account, because after you buy one
there's nothing left in your checking account anyway.
Computer games are turning our children into brainless walking zombies.
And worst of all, the guy down the street has a better one than I do.