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    A Collection of T Shirt sayings

    -Son of Baglady

    -Pity the poor egg: it only gets laid once

    -The Hunchback of Notre Dame's secret mantra: Oh mommy pat my

    -What's good for Ugoose is good for Uganda.

    -We have them just where they want us.
    J. T. Kirk
    -I'd rather have Lockheed deliver the mail than ride around in a
    plane built by the post office.

    -Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to
    get you.

    -I figure I'm pretty good with the bullshit but I love listening
    to an expert. Keep talking.

    -Money can't buy happiness but it can certainly rent it for a
    couple of hours.

    -The meek shall inherit the Earth after we're done with it.

    -The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the
    ground and miss.
    Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxie
    -Love is blind but like is just too freaked out to see straight.

    -Reality is a crutch for people who can't face drugs.

    -When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns.
    Art Denman
    -Sex is a disrobic experience

    -Beam me up, Scotty. There's no intelligent life down here.
    J.T. Kirk
    -Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from
    mediocre minds.
    Albert Einstein
    -Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.

    -Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.

    -We are the people our parents warned us about.

    -Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out of it alive.

    -Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself.

    -How much sin can I get away with and still go to heaven?

    -There is intelligent life on Earth, but I'm just visiting.

    -Power means not having to respond.

    -Onward, through the fog.

    -Never kick a man unless he's down.

    -Everything you know is wrong, but you can be straightened out.

    -We should forgive our enemies, but only after they've been taken
    out and shot.

    -The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that
    you've got it made.

    -I'm not as dumb as you look.

    -I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

    -Everyone needs belief in something. I believe I'll have another

    -How can I love you if you won't lie down?

    -I'd rather be pissed off than pissed on.

    -You can find sympathy between shit and syphilis in the

    -When in charge, ponder. When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble,

    -To err is human. To forgive is unusual.

    -Only those who attempt the absurd can acheive the impossible.

    -I'm not going deaf. I'm ignoring you.

    -I'm the person your mother warned you about.

    -How can I tell you I love you when you're sitting on my face?

    -God is dead and I want His job.

    -Work is the curse of the drinking class.

    -I can tell you're lying. Your lips are moving.

    -Our parents were never our age.

    -Nothing was ever accomplished by a reasonable person.

    -There's nothing more restful than taking orders from fools.

    -Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.

    -In the country of the blind the one eye'd man is king.

    -He who laughs last has not been told the terrible truth.

    -It's hard to soar like an eagle when you're surrounded by

    -When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad I'm better.
    Mae West
    -I'm really enjoying not talking to you, so let's not talk again
    real soon, okay?

    -He who laughs last didn't get the joke.

    -Obviously the only rational solution to your problem is suicide.

    -You can't fall off the floor.

    -Death is the greatest kick of all. That's why they save it for

    -Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me.
    Mae West
    -I'm not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally.

    -I think I could fall madly in bed with you.

    -I used to be lost in the shuffle. Now I just shuffle along with
    the lost.

    -Yesterday was the deadline on all complaints.

    -Work fascinates me. I could sit and watch it for hours.

    -Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.

    -I worship the ground that awaits you.

    -The future isn't what it used to be.

    -I wish you were a beer.

    -I want to live forever or die in the attempt.

    -Love means telling you why you're sorry.

    -Love your enemies. It'll make 'em crazy.

    -Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma.

    -I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.

    -I'm having a party in my pants. Want to come?

    -Why be difficult when with a bit of effort you can be

    -Perfect paranoia is perfect awareness.

    -Better dead than mellow.

    -If I follow you home will you keep me?

    -A day without fusion is like a day without sunshine.

    -There is no gravity. The Earth sucks.

    -Buerocrats do not change the course of the ship of state. They
    merely adjust the compass.

    -The difference between meat and fish is that if you beat your
    fish it dies

    -It's better to have a gun and not need it than to need a gun and
    not have it.

    -You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a
    kind word.

    -Don't think of organ donations as giving up part of yourself to
    keep a total stranger alive. It's really a total stranger giving
    up almost all of themselves to keep part of you alive.

    -The number of people watching you is directly proportional to
    the stupidity of your action.

    -Drink wet cement: Get Stoned.

    -Kite fliers keep it up longer.

    -My human experiance is just beginning (This one on a little
    kid's shirt)

    -If you don't know what you're doing, do it neatly.

    -An easily understood, workable falsehood is more useful than a
    complex, incomprehesable truth.

    -You have a right to your opinions. I just don't want to hear
    -Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to
    you for the rest of the day.

    -Farmhands Feel Better
    (ron mcdowell)
    -Nuke the whales

    -Join the Army: travel to exotic distant lands; meet exciting,
    unusual people and kill them.

    -We'll get along fine as soon as you realize I'm God.

    -Life is like a shit sandwich. The more bread you have, the less
    shit you have to eat.

    -I don't know. I don't care. And it doesn't make any difference.

    -Those of you who think they know everything are very annoying to
    those of us who do.

    -When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one
    I've never tried before.

    -It's not that you and I are so clever, but that the others are
    such fools.

    -If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with

    -I'm not cynical. Just experianced.

    -The torture never stops.

    -Ignore alien orders.

    -I know you think you uderstood what I said, but what you heard
    was not what I meant.

    -I'm not wearing any underwear. Film at 11.

    -Bend over. I'll drive.

    -I don't have a drinking problem.
    I drink
    I get drunk
    I fall down
    No problem

    -Save our beaches. Harpoon a fat chick.

    -We dive at five.

    -I'd walk over you to see the Who.

    -It's hard to be humble when you're as great as I am.

    -I'm for lust.

    -I want a meal, not a snack.

    -Bullshit Detector. When alarm sounds, please re-engage your

    -The word today is Legs ... Spread the word.



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