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• Once, during a trial in which she was accused of indecency on stage, the judge asked, "Miss West, are you trying to show contempt for this court?
  She answered, "On the contrary, your Honor, I was doin' my best to conceal it....
• She asked me, "What's your sign?" I blinked and answered "Neon," I thought I'd blow her mind...
• Joshu asked the teacher Nansen, "What is the True Way?
  Nansen answered, "Every way is the true Way." Joshu asked, "Can I study it?...
• On the old "You Bet Your Life" program, Groucho Marx was getting to know one of his contestants.
  The man told Groucho that he had 10 children. "Why so many children?...
• I don't understand you. -- Every man who ever lived to every woman he's ever know
• OLEAGINOUS, adj. Oily, smooth, sleek. Disraeli once described the manner of Bishop Wilberforce as "unctuous, oleaginous, saponaceous.
  And the good prelate was ever afterward known as Soapy Sam....
• Once upon a time there was a beautiful young girl taking a stroll through the woods.
  All at once she saw an extremely ugly bull frog seated on a log and to her amazement the frog spoke to her....
• A girl with psychic powers, She said "T-Bone, what's your sign?
  I blinked and answered "Neon" - I thought I'd blow her mind. -- Tom "T-Bone" Stanku...