Related:

• CAPITAL, n. The seat of misgovernment. That which provides the fire, the pot, the dinner, the table and the knife and fork for the anarchi
  he part of the repast that himself supplies is the disgrace before meat....
• INTERREGNUM, n. The period during which a monarchical country is governed by a warm spot on the cushion of the throne.
  The experiment of letting the spot grow cold has commonly been attended by most unhappy results from the zeal of many worthy persons to make it warm again....
• PROBOSCIS, n. The rudimentary organ of an elephant which serves him in place of the knife-and-fork that Evolution has as yet denied him.
  For purposes of humor it is popularly called a trunk....
• INK, n. A villainous compound of tannogallate of iron, gum-arabic and water, chiefly used to facilitate the infection of idiocy and promote intellectual crime.
  The properties of ink are peculiar and contradictory...
• Interpreter, n.: One who enables two persons of different languages to understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to the interpreter's advantage for the other to have said.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness.
  It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose....