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• Ask not what your residence hall can do for you, because it's broke. -- the Stilt Ma
• MORTICIAN: Bring out your dead! [clang] Bring out your dead!
  [clang] Bring out your dead! CUSTOMER...
• A commuter is one who never knows how a show comes out because he has to leave early to catch a train to get him back to the country in time to catch a train to bring him back to the city.
• I'd love to go out with you, but the last time I went out, I never came back.
• If you enjoy working with people be a morticia
• Never ask if the waiter has chicken breasts. You might find out!
• There is one way to find out if a man is honest--ask him.
  If he says yes, you know he is crooked. -- Groucho Marx...
• There is one way to find out if a man is honest -- ask him.
  If he says "Yes" you know he is crooked. -- Groucho Marx...