Related:

• Never throw mud. You may miss your mark, but in any event, you'll end up with dirty hands.
• You may be redneck... if your wedding looks more like a family reunion.
• May all your relatives decide to visit un-announced simultaneously.
• PRO: No more broken hands when someone steps on it with cleats.
  CON: No more sports (like football with your friends, etc.) -- Pros and Cons of Death...
• You may be redneck... if your truck costs more than your house.
• Quimby: Are there any suggestions for how to attract more tourism?
  [Patty and Selma raise their hands] [they stand next to a blackboard with "Springfield" on it] Patty...
• TAURUS (Apr.20 - May 20) Take advantage of this opportunity to get a little extra sleep, because you're going to miss the bus again today anyway.
  You will decide to lose weight today, just like yesterday....
• You may be redneck... if any of your hobbies require dogs and a lantern.