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A new release of FoReM ST arrived yesterday. Among the features is

yet another new file transfer protocol, 'ZZZMODEM.' This new protocol

transfes data in blocks of 16 Megabytes, giving it the largest block size

of any file transfer protocol in the Known Universe. The checksum for each

block in a ZZZMODEM transfer is sent via XMODEM, for greater accuracy.

"This new protocol will allow us to transfer data at rates up to one one-

hundredth of one percent FASTER than by any previous method," explained

Phil "Compu" Dweeb, a FoReM aficionado, pausing occasionally to wipe

the drool from his chin.

Industry insiders were quick to point out that using ZZZMODEM, it

takes roughly 2 hours and 25 minutes to transfer a 20K file at 19,200 baud.

Mr. Dweeb said that this problem has been dealt with. "Each block is padded

with nulls, which take no time to send," he explained.

The new version of FoReM ST also has the new "Recursive ARCing"

feature. As Mr. Dweeb explains: "All download files are recursively ARCed

by FoReM before being put online. Our experience has shown that when you

ARC a file, it gets smaller. Therefore, the approach we have taken is to

repeatedly ARC the file until it reaches a size of roughly 10K. At that

point, it's hardly worth the trouble, wouldn't you say?"

Reportedly in the works for a future release is the patented "One

Length Encoding" process. Early reports suggest that this procedure can

reduce the length of a file to just 1 bit. Mr. Dweeb takes up the story:

"One day we were sitting around doing some hacken and phreaken, and one of

us started thinking. All binary data is encoded into bits, which are

represented by ones and zeros. This is because a wire can either carry a

current or not, and wires can therefore be set up in a a series that can

represent strings of ones and zeros. "Notice, however, that the real

information is carried in the ones, since the others carry no current. I

mean, what good does a wire do when it isn't carrying any current? So by

dropping all the zeros, you can easily cut file sizes in half. So we

decided that a cool way to speed up data transfer would be to only send the

one bits. The results were phenomenal -- an average speed increase of 50%!!

"After we finished the initial implementation, we kept finding ways to

make the thing faster, and more efficient. But then we realised that we

hadn't gone all the way. If you think about it, after you drop all the

zeros, you're left with a string of ones. Simply count all the ones, and

you're left with another binary string. Say you end up with 7541 ones. In

binary, that's 1110101110101. So immediately we've reduced the number of

bits from 7541 to 13. But by simply repeating the process, we can reduce it

further. 1110101110101 becomes 111111111, or 9, which is 1001, which be-

comes 2, which is 10, or 1.

Once we reach a string length of 1, we have

reached maximum file com-pression. We now have the capability to encode

virtually unlimited amounts of information into a single digit! Long-

distance bills will never be the same! "Now, that's not to say that there

aren't a few problems. The biggest one we have encountered is that for some

reason, there seems to be a certain amount of data loss during the re-

conversion process. It seems that sometimes the file cannot be expanded

into its original form. So, the solution we came up with was to have an

encryption key associated with each file. When a One Length Encoded file is

received and is undergoing decompression, the unique encryption key must be

supplied. That way, we end up with a 100% success rate in our conversions!

"A problem which we are having difficulty resolving lies in the fact

that to ensure a 100% success rate, the encryption key must be exactly as

long as the original file. We are confident, however, that the use of our

Recursive ARCing procedure will help to solve this problem..."

- The Wizard of Zone
Once upon a time in Depression-era Kansas there was a little
black boy named Zachary X (pronounced "ex" not "ten") who lived
on a farm.

He was an orphan, a cheap device to garner your sympathy.... - Problem: To Catch a Lion in the Sahara Desert.
(Hunting lions in Africa was originally published as "A contribution
to the mathematical theory of big game hunting" in the American
Mathematical Monthly in 1938 by "H.

Petard, of Princeton NJ" [actually the late Ralph Boas].... - A Contribution to the Mathematical Theory of Big Game Hunting
=============================================================
Problem

To Catch a Lion in the Sahara Desert. 1. Mathematical Methods 1.... - LIFE IN THE SLAW LANE
by Kip Adotta
It was Cucumber the Fi

Summer was over. I had just spinached a long day and I was busheled.... - When I was in a six person suite of rooms, one of my room mates was a
witch, and by coincidence, another room mate had a key to his room.

One night the witch room mate returned to find that all six calendars in his room were set to October, and there was a pentagram of pencils on his desk.... - What's the difference between a banjo and a(n)...
Chain Saw

( 1.) a chain saw has a dynamic range. ( 2.) you can turn a chain saw off.... - The ark lands after The Flood. Noah lets all the animals out.

Says, "Go and multiply." Several months pass. Noah decides to check up on the animals.... - Proof By Intimidation
----- -- ------------
A Horse has an infinite number of legs.

A horse has two legs in back and forelegs in front.... - Federal Aviation Agency,
Washington 25, D.C.
Gentleme

I was asked to make a written statement concerning certain events that occurred yesterday....