A woman is nearly caught with her lover when her husband comes home early.
To hide her lover, she puts him in the closet. While in the closet, the lover
soon learns that he is not alone. The breathing he hears belongs to, he
discovers, the woman's young son.
"Gee, it's dark in here, sir," said the boy.
"Geez, kid, please shut up," replied the nervous man.
"Well, mister, I think I'm gonna scream."
"Please, kid, don't scream."
"Can I have some money?" asked the boy.
"Well, here, here's five dollars, it's all I've got."
The boy, sensing that the man was lying, pressed on.
"I really feel like screaming."
"No, kid, look, here's fifty dollars, just don't scream."
"Well, I don't know"
"Here's the last of my money, just don't scream."
The boy, satisfied, agreed to be quiet. Later, he went with his mother to a
store where a brand new bike was on sale. When he tried to buy it with his
new-found cash, his mother became suspicious of the source of this money.
So, being a "good" Christian, she took him in to see the local pastor in
"Gee," said the boy, not used to being in the confessional, "it sure is dark
"Don't start that with me again," said the priest.
One evening, after attending the theater, two gentlemen were walking down the
avenue when they observed a rather well dressed and attractive young lady
walking ahead of them. One of them turned to the other and remarked, "I'd give
$50.00 to spend the night with that woman." Much to their surprise, the young
lady overheard the remark, turned around, and replied, "I'll take you up on
that." She had a neat appearance and a pleasant voice, so after bidding his
companion good night, the man accompanied the young lady to her apartment. The
following morning, the man presented her with $25.00 as he prepared to leave.
She demanded the rest of the money, stating: "If you don't give me the other
$25.00, I'll sue you for it." He laughed, saying: "I'd like to see you get it
on these grounds."
The next day he was surprised when he received a summons ordering his
presence in court as a defendant in a lawsuit. He hurried to his lawyer and
explained the details of the case. His lawyer said: "She can't possibly get a
judgement against you on such grounds, but it will be interesting to see how her
case will be presented."
After the usual preliminaries, the lady's lawyer addressed the court as
follows: "Your honor, my client, this lady, is the owner of a piece of property,
a garden spot, surrounded by a profuse growth of shrubbery, which property she
agreed to rent to the defendant for a specified length of time for the sum of
$50.00. The defendant took possession of the property, used it extensively for
the purpose for which it was rented, but upon evacuating the premises, he paid
only $25.00, one-half the amount agreed upon. The rent was not excessive, since
it is restricted property, and we ask judgement be granted against the defendant
to assure payment of the balance." The defendant's lawyer was impressed and
amused by the way his opponent had presented the case. His defense, therefore,
was somewhat different from the way he originally planned to present it. "Your
honor," he said, "My client agrees that the lady has a fine piece of property,
that he did rent such property for a time, and a degree of pleasure was derived
from the transaction. However, my client found a well on the property around
which he placed his own stones, sunk a shaft, and erected a pump, all labor
performed personally by him. We claim these improvements to the property were
sufficient to offset the unpaid amount, and that the plaintiff was adequately
compensated for rental of said property. We, therefore, ask that judgement not
be granted." The young lady's lawyer answered thusly: "Your honor, my client
agrees that the defendant did find a well on her property. However, had the
defendant not known that the well existed, he would never have rented the
property. Also, upon evacuating the premises, the defendant removed the stones,
pulled out the shaft, and took the pump with him. In doing so, he not only
dragged the equipment through the shrubbery, but left the hole much larger than
it was prior to his occupancy, making the property much less desirable to
others. We, therefore, ask that judgement be granted."
And it was. She won the case...
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...