An old cowboy was sitting in a bar somewhere in west texas, animatedly
telling all his drinking buddies about the contest he won.
"Yeah boys, I realy won that free trip to Ney York City, It's gonna be
grand," the old cowboy remarked. The questions and advice flowed as freely
as the beer and the wiskey that night.
"I hear the women in New York are som-thin-else!" remarked one friend.
"Yeah, and there's supposed to be some fine sippin' whiskey there too."
"Oh boy, and remember to try one of 'dem New York cut steaks, I hears that
they are out da dis world!!". Chimed in one of his more enibriated companions.
The discussion lasted into the night. The old cowboy was ready in the
morning though, and at eight 'o clock sharp a limo rolled in to pick him up.
He got on a plane at the airport and flew first class, non-stop to New York
City. Whereupon he was picked up by another limo and taken to a very nice
hotel. He had just enough time to put his bags in his room before he met with
the tour group and started seeing the city. The bus let him off back at the
hotel a little before eight, and he was starving!
Deciding not to forage into the city again till he had some real food,
he ventured down to the hotel restaurant. He was seated by the Matre 'd. and
given a menu to which he quickly replied "Oh, I don't need no menu, I already
knows what I want. Bring me one of those New York cut steaks!"
"Yes Missuer, right away." the Matre 'd replied. Knowing that this cowboy
was some VIP he decided to serve him, himself. A few minutes later he brought
a bowl of piping hot soup and crackers. This did not get the reaction he
The cowboy politely turned to him and said "Sir I asked for a steak, not
"But Missuer, the steak, it comes with soup." The Matre 'd replied.
"I don't care," returned the cowboy, "Bring me my steak!" with that he
shoved the soup back hard enough to make it spill. The Matre 'd picked up the
soup with a "hummp" and returned soon with a wornderful New York strip that was
perfection in every way. The Cowboy dug into this with gusto and consumed a
vast amount of wine in the process. He then set out on the town to see the
night life available in this city. In the proccess he got quite drunk, and
when it came time to go home he just looked for the biggest building he could
find and assumed it was the hotel. It was in fact a hospital, and as the old
cowboy staggerd dukenly down the corridor looking for his room, he came to a
room numbered as his was back in the hotel. Whereupon he burst in, rolled the
patient out of bed and fell face first, passed out cold. As it happens the
aforementioned patient was due for an enima about midnight. So not long after
this takeover, in walks several husky orderlies who proceed to give the
protesting cowboy a good cleanning out. Very early that morning the nurse
making the rounds discovered the travesty, and proceeded to roust the still
drunken cowboy out of bed and run him out of the hospital. Eventally after some
wandering around the cowbow sobered up enough to find his way back to the hotel
He packed his bags and met the limo in front of the hotel. He rode back
in the opposite order he came, until he again sat back at the local tavern
having a few beers with his friends.
"Come on, tell us about New York, was the women as fine as they say?"
asked one eager buddy.
" Well I'll tell you boys, The women in New York, Theys as fine as they
come, and the whiskey there, mmmmmmm, it's so smooth. And that New York cut
steak, MMMMM MMM," and then he took on a more serious tone, "But let me tell
you boys somethin', if you're ever in New York and you order one of those New
York cut steaks, and they bring you soup, .. EAT THE SOUP!, 'Cause if you
don't, the're commin' in in the middle of the night and shove it up your ass!!"
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...