This New Guy In Town Was Visiting A Local Pub When He Noticed A Strange Looking Machine Next To The Bar.

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This new guy in town was visiting a local pub when he noticed a strange
looking machine next to the bar. The bartender told him it is a piss
analysis machine. The new guy wanted to try it out. He pissed in
the machine and threw in a loonie. 10 seconds later, the machine spat
out a card that says "You need glasses".
"This is bullshit! How can the machine tell if I need glasses from
my piss?"
He decided to give it another try. So he went home, collected piss
from his wife, his daughter and his dog and mixed it all up. Then,
he added couple drops of Quaker State from his car and finally, as
good measure, he jerked off into the brine.
The next day, he went back to the pub. He poured the solution into
the machine and inserted anotehr loonie. This time, the machine struggled
and took almost 5 minutes to come up with an answer.
"Your dog has flees, you wife is dating a Latin lover, your daughter
is pregnant by a Haitian drug user, your car is about to blow up and
if you don't stop jerking off, you'll go blind."