Benny, A First Grader, Was Walking Home From School When He Saw A Blinding Flash Of Light And A Puff Of Smoke

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Benny, a first grader, was walking home from school when he saw a blinding
flash of light and a puff of smoke; in front of him stood his Fairy
Godmother. She said, "I've come to grant you one wish and one wish only,
what will it be?" He said that he wanted a big black bushy beard just
like the guys on the Smith Brothers cough drop box. The Fairy Godmother
tried to convince him to think of the future by saying, "You can have
fame, fortune, longevity, or anything you can imagine so do you want to
change your mind?" Benny said that he wanted the beard. The Fairy
Godmother thought fear might change his mind so she said that if he ever
shaved it off she would cremate him instantly and put his ashes in an urn.
He insisted on the beard. The Fairy Godmother waved her magic wand and
POOF... he had his beard.
When he arrived home, he had a lot of explaining to do to his mother, but
he managed. Benny's grade school years were full of ridicule and
humiliation; his high school years went better, and when he was in
college, he fit right in with the rest of the crowd.
One day, he fell in love and asked his girl to marry him. She said that
she would if he shaved off his beard. Benny explained the beard's origin
and the Fairy Godmother's threat. His girlfriend didn't buy it. Love
conquers all and Benny thought that the Fairy Godmother forgot about the
incident by now so he lathered his face and took one stroke of the
razor... POOF! There is an urn on the floor full of ashes.
The moral of the story is....
A Benny shaved is a Benny urned.

Every night before she went out on a date,
the young girl was told by her mother, "Remember,
dear. When he tries to touch you in a certain
way , a girl's best friends are her legs."
Much to her motherr's dismay, however, several
weeks later her daughter announced that she was
"What! How did it happen? Didn't I tell you
that your best friends are your legs?"
"You did, Mama," she replied. "But there comes
a time when even best friends must part."