TO MY DARLING HUSBAND,
I am sending you this letter via this BBS
communications thing, so that you will be sure to
read it. Please forgive the deception, but I
thought you should know what has been going on at
home since your computer entered our lives TWO
YEARS AGO. The children are doing well. Tommy is
seven now and is a bright, handsome boy. He has
developed quite an interest in the arts. He drew
a family portrait for a school project, all the
figures were good, and the back of your head is
very realistic. You should be very proud of him.
Little Jennifer turned three in September. She
looks a lot like you did at that age. She is an
attractive child and quite smart. She still
remembers that you spent the whole afternoon with
us on her birthday. What a grand day for Jenny,
despite the fact that it was stormy and the
electricity was out.
I am doing well. I went blonde about a year ago,
and discovered that it really is more fun!
George, I mean, Mr. Wilson the department head,
has uh, taken an interest in my career and has
become a good friend to us all.
I discovered that the household chores are much
easier since I realized that you didn't mind being
vaccumed but that feather dusting made you sneeze.
The house is in good shape. I had the living room
painted last spring; I'm sure you noticed it. I
made sure that the painters cut holes in the drop
sheet so you wouldn't be disturbed.
Well, my dear, I must be going. Uncle George, uh,
Mr. Wilson, I mean, is taking us all on a ski trip
and there is packing to do. I have hired a
housekeeper to take care of things while we are
away, she'll keep things in order, fill your
coffee cup and bring your meals to your desk, just
the way you like it. I hope you and the computer
will have a lovely time while we are gone. Tommy,
Jenny and I will think of you often. Try to
remember us while your disks are booting.
A very poor couple had just been married and all they could afford
was to share a house with an elderly couple. What's worse is that
they have to sleep on the top half of a bunk bed, while the older
couple slept on the lower half. Needless to say, the young couple
wanted sex often. Instead of asking the question explicitly,
for fear that they would be overheard, they agreed to use the code
"eating orange" for sex.
So every night the husband would ask his wife, "Honey, do you feel
like eating orange?".
This went on for several weeks, until one night when the husband
asked, "Honey, do you feel like eating orange?", to which the old
man from below interrupted,
"You know, I don't mind ya eating oranges so much, but could you
please not drip the orange juices down here!"
An elderly woman sees a bunch of women lining up outside a building.
Being so naive, she doesn't know these women are prostitutes and
that they've been arrested at the local police station.
She approaches one of the women in line and asks her what they were
all lining up for. The lady of the street, somewhat embarrassed,
faked the reply by saying they're handing out free oranges here.
She thought it was too good to miss, so she went to the end of
the line and wait.
When one of the police saw the old woman, he asks,
"Aren't you a bit old for this sorta stuff?"
"Are you kidding? I may not have any teeth, but I still like to
peel them back and suck them!"
One day a boy walked up to his dad and asked, "Dad whats the difference
between hypothetically and reality?" His father said, "Well son I'll show you.
Go over to your mother and ask her if she would screw the guy across the street
for $500,000." So, the kid goes and asks his mom, and she tells him "Sure, I'd
screw the guy across the street for $500,000." The boy goes back to his dad and
tells him this. "OK son, go ask your sister the same question." So, the kid
asks his sister and she says she would screw the guy across the street for
$500,000. He goes back to his dad and says, "Hey dad, sis said she'd screw the
guy across the street for $500,000." His father goes, "There you have it son:
hypothetically we're millonaires, but in reality we live with a pair of sluts."
As an ultimate test of his will power, a man decided to give up sex for
Lent. Although not thrilled with the idea, his wife agreed to support him
in this effort. The first few weeks weren't too difficult. Things got
tougher during the next couple of weeks, so the wife wore her dowdiest
night clothes and chewed on garlic before going to bed. The last couple
of weeks were extremely tough on the husband, so the wife took to locking
the bedroom door and forcing the husband to sleep on the couch.
Easter morning finally came. A knock came on the wife's bedroom door.
"KNOCK!!! KNOCK!!! KNOCK!!!"
husband: "Guess who?"
wife: "I know who it is!"
husband: "Guess what I want?"
wife: "I know what you want!"
husband: "Guess what I'm knockin' with?"
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...