(12 pt) "ME, START A VANGUARD PARTY TO LEAD THE WORKING CLASS TO
REVOLUTION? YOU MUST BE KIDDING!"
JUST IMAGINE BEING A RESPECTED AND BELOVED FATHERLY LEADER UNDER WHOSE
WISE GUIDANCE THE REVOLUTIONARY MASSES WILL FORGE AHEAD DAILY WITH THE
FIERY ZEAL OF A "SPEED-UP" CAMPAIGN!!!!
Over the past few years, Party Builders Associates has aided countless
individuals and groups to form vanguard parties intelligently tailored
to their own needs. These people are now leading creative, happy lives
fighting one another. What we've done for others, we can do for you.
A few minutes filling out the following questionnaire may be the best
investment you'll ever make. Your answers will enable Party Builders
Associates, preserving strict confidentiality, to work out a party
program that is JUST RIGHT for you and your friends.
And now, here's the questionnaire. We advise using a pencil, since these
are by no means easy questions, and your party will not be able to alter
the positions taken here without seriously damaging your credibility
among the workers.
1) The Russian Revolution turned away from socialism in:
___(e) It hasn't yet, but my group will be te first to denounce it when it does
2) Black people are:
___(a) A nation
___(b) A nation of a new type
___(c) A super-exploited sector of the working class
___(e) A colony
___(f) Please send me more information about this controversial group
3) The main danger facing the workers' vanguard in the present epoch is:
___(a) Right opportunism
___(b) "Left" sectarianism
___(c) Right opportunism masking as "left" sectarianism
___(d) My parents
___(e) Other (please specify)
4) Rather than focus on narrow economic issues, my party will offer a cultural
critique of life in advanced capitalist countries. The following are signs of
___(c) Pornographic movies
___(d) Recent price increases in pornographic movies
___(e) Other (please give exact details)
5) I would like to include the following in the title of my party:
___(o) All of the above
[reprinted from "The Fifth Estate", Detroit, MI, whatever the hell that is]
[ Reputedly now defunct ]