I HAD A BAD DAY
It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the
admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you
had to have a really bad day the day you died. The policy would go into
effect at noon the following day. So the next day at 12:01 the first person
came to the gates of Heaven.
The angel at the gate, remembering about the new law, promptly told the man,
"Before I can let you in, I need you to tell me about the day you died."
"No problem." said the man. "Well, for some time now, I've thought my wife
was having an affair. I believed that each day on her lunch hour, she'd
bring her lover home to our 25th floor apartment and have sex with him. So
today I was going to come home too and catch them. Well, I got there and
busted in and immediately began searching for this guy. My wife was
half-naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. But, damn
it, I couldn't find him! Just as I was going to give up, I happened to
glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the
edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy to think he could hide from
me! Well, I ran out there and promptly stomped on his fingers until he fell
to the ground.
But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some bushes that broke his fall and
he didn't die. This pissed me off even more, so in a rage I went back inside
to get the first thing I could get my hands on to throw at him. And oddly
enough, the first thing I could grab was the refrigerator. I unplugged it,
pushed it out onto the balcony and heaved it over the side. It plummeted 25
stories and crushed him!
The excitement of the moment was so great that right after that I had a
heart attack and died almost instantly."
The angel sat back and though for a moment. Technically, the guy DID have a
bad day, and it was a crime of passion, so he announced, "OK, Sir. Welcome
to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in.
A few seconds later the next guy came up. "OK, here's the rule. Before I can
let you in, I need to hear about the day you died."
"Sure thing" the man replied. "But you're not gonna believe this. I was out
on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises when I
got a little carried away and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily
however, I was able to catch myself by my fingertips on the balcony directly
beneath mine. When all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his
apartment and starts cussing and stomping on my fingers! Well, of course I
fell. I hit some trees and bushes on the way down which broke my fall so I
didn't die right away. As I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to
move and in excruciating pain, I see the man push his refrigerator, of all
things, over the ledge and it falls directly on top of me and kills me!"
The angel is quietly laughing to himself as the man finishes his story. "I
could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself. "Very well," the
angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and he lets the man
A few seconds later the third man in line comes up to the gate. "Tell me
about the day you died," said the angel.
"OK, picture this, " says the man. "I'm naked inside a Refrigerator......."
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...