DAN QUAYLE QUOTES: Dan Quayle, As Quoted In The Washington Po

HomeShort JokesJokes from Emails


Dan Quayle, as quoted in The Washington Post:
"I've been blessed with wonderful parents and a wonderful family, and I am proud
of my family. Anybody turns to their family. I have a very good family. I'm
very fortunate to have a very good family. I believe very strongly in the
family. It's one of the things we have in our platform to talk about it."

During his trip to Hawaii, he was quoted as saying,
"Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific.
It is a part of the United States that is an island that is
right here."

on the Future and the World:

"I believe that we are on an irreversible trend toward freedom and
democracy. But that could change."

on himself ("quoting" from the United Negro College Fund slogan):

"What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind.
How true that is."

In an August 11 1989 interview on Cable Network News, the head of the
National Space Council, Vice President Dan Quayle, explained why the US
should undertake a manned mission to Mars:

"Mars is essentially in the same orbit. Mars is somewhat the same
distance from the sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures
where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water,
there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."

Head of National Space Council, Vice President Dan Quayle, talking about
space and the importance of his new job... (not verbatim, but close

"Space is almost infinite, in fact, we think it is infinite."

"Space is very important, there's an awful lot of it out there."

I remember a picture in TIME a few months ago. Quayle was visiting
Latin America, and posed with a couple of military leaders holding a
grenade launcher...


A few months into his presidency, George Bush asks Dan Quayle to come
to meet with him at the White House. After getting directions as to
how to find it, Dan arrives.

George: "You know, Dan, you're doing a great job, showing great
maturity, and oustanding judgement. I'm really proud of you."

Dan: "Thank you, Mr. President. Your confidence in me means a lot."

George: "By the way, you want a puppy?"

And another ...

Did you hear about the tragedy?

Dan Quayle's library burnt down ...

Burned both books ...

And one of them, he hadn't even finished coloring!

What does President Bush call Dan Quayle?

Life insurance.

Did you know that Dan Quayle is the cause of a great religious revival
throughout the world?

Ever since he entered office, more and more people are praying for
the President's health.

After the election, but before the inauguration, Bush suggested that
Quayle take a vacation in England, hoping that he might pick up some
culture. As part of his tour, Dan found himself at Runnymede. Dan
asked his guide what had happened there. The guide said: "This is
where the Magna Carta was signed." Dan asked when it was signed.
"1215" answered the guide. Dan looked at his watch and said:

"Nuts! I missed it by an hour."

President Bush slips in the shower, hits his head and goes into a coma.
When he returns to consciousness, he sees Acting President Dan Quayle's
face smiling at him.

"How long have I been out?"

"Four years, Mr. President."

"Four Years! What's been happening in the country? What's the
inflation rate?" Bush asks.

"Two percent."

"Fantastic! Unemployment?"

"Three percent"

"Incredible! What's the prime?"

"Five percent."

"Unbelievable! How's the Dow?"

"It's at 4,000 points."

"President Bush shakes his head in disbelief. "You've done a
terrific job running the country, congratulations! By the way,
how much does a loaf of bread cost these days?"

Quayle thinks for a second before replying: "Ten thousand yen."

News Flash:

Dan Quayle found wandering aimlessly in Iowa.

When asked what he was doing in Iowa, he replied,
"I'm following President Bush's orders that I spend some time
in Central America."