If Men Really Ruled
** Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your
call to her real number.
** Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response
to "I Love You".
** Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards
** When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she
would appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
** Birth control would come in ale or lager.
** Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL team of
** The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
"Sorry I'm late, but I got hammered last night" would be an acceptable
excuse for tardiness.
** Instead of a beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."
** Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your
wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"
** Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th, so it would only occur
in leap years.
** On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go
drinking. Mother's Day, too. St. Patrick's Day, however would remain exactly
the same, but would be celebrated every month.
** The only show opposite Monday Night Football would be Monday Night
Football From A Different Camera Angle.
** Every man would get four real "Get Out of Jail Free" cards per year.
** Faucets would run "Hot,' "Cold," and "100 proof".
** The Statue of Liberty would get a bright red, 40-foot thong.
** People would never talk about how fresh they felt.
** Daisy Duke shorts would never again go out of style.
** Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...