Massachusetts Driving Rules:
** A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people
you can cut in front of in line by passing on the right. You lose face if
you hit any of the orange construction barrels.
** Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Massachusetts driver
never uses them. Use of them in Boston is thought to be illegal.
** Under no circumstances should you leave any distance between you and the
car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else,
causing you to lose points.
** Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered "going
with the flow."
** The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have
of getting hit.
** Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork.
Massachusetts is a no-fault insurance state and the other driver has nothing
** Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your
ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal
pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.
** Construction signs warn you about road closures immediately after you
pass the last exit before the traffic jam.
** The new electronic traffic warning system signs are not there to provide
useful information. They are only there to make Massachusetts look high-tech
and to distract you from seeing the State Police Radar car parked on the
** Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right.
** Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and are
apparently do not apply during rush hour.
** Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move
over doesn't mean that a true Mass. driver flashing his high beams behind
you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.
** When driving out of state, please remember that New Hampshire is the
Granite State, named so for a reason. Try to stay on the road.
** Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even if
someone is just changing a tire.
** Throwing litter on the roads adds variety to the landscape and gives
Adopt-a-Highway crews something to clean up.
** State Police cars or ambulances passing at high speed may be followed in
the event you need make up a few minutes in your travel time.
** Learn to swerve abruptly. Massachusetts is the home of high-speed slalom
driving thanks to DOT (Department of Transportation), which places potholes
in various locations to test drivers' reflexes.
** It is traditional in Massachusetts to honk your horn at cars that don't
move the instant the light changes.
** Making eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way, except
in Boston, where it acts as an invitation to duel or play chicken.
** Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before
proceeding. In Maine you are allowed to stop and then decide which direction
** Remember that the goal of every Massachusetts driver is to get there
first, by whatever means necessary.
** Real Massachusetts female drivers can put on pantyhose, apply eye makeup
and balance the checkbook at seventy-five miles per hour during a snowstorm
in bumper-to-bumper traffic.
** Real Massachusetts male drivers can remove pantyhose and a bra (not their
own) at seventy-five miles per hour in bumper-to-bumper traffic during
** Heavy snow, ice, fog, and rain are no reasons to change any of the
previously listed rules. These weather conditions are nature's way of
ensuring the economic survival of body shops, junkyards, and new vehicle
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...