From Real Resumes & Cover Letters:
** I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.
** I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms.
** Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.
** Wholly responsible for two(2) failed financial institutions.
** Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave
** Failed bar exam with relatively high grades
** It's best for employers that I not work with people
** Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience.
** You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.
** Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.
** I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
** Marital status: single: Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments
** I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.
** I am loyal to my employer at all costs... Please feel free to respond to
my resume on my office voice mail.
** I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and
** My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in
meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.
** I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.
** Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.
** As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.
** Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.
** Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never
quit a job.
** Marital status: often. Children: various
** Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work
by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn't work under those conditions.
** The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.
** Finished eighth in my class of ten.
** References: none. I've left a path of destruction behind me.