The IRS can always find more...
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around
that they offered a standing $1,000.00 bet. The bartender would squeeze a
lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron.
Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.
Many people had tried over time (weightlifters, longshoremen, etc.) but
nobody could do it.
One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a
polyester suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the
bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a
lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to
the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man
clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.
As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1,000.00, and asked the little
man, "what do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weightlifter, or
what?" The man replied, "I work for the IRS."
A man, called to testify at the IRS, asked his accountant for advice on what
to wear. "Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper."
Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. "Do
not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie." Confused,
the man went to his rabbi, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested
some resolution of the dilemma. "Let me tell you a story," replied the
rabbi. "A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her
wedding night. 'Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to
your neck.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice.
'Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V-neck right down to your navel. The
man protested: "What does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?"
"No matter what you wear, you are going to get screwed."