Found in Actual Military Evaluation Reports...
1. This Marine is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
2. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
3. A room-temperature IQ.
4. A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
5. A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus
6. A prime candidate for natural deselection.
7. Bright as Alaska in December.
8. One-celled organisms outscore him in IQ tests.
9. Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.
10. Fell out of the family tree.
11. Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
12. If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.
13. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
14. If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.
15. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
16. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.
17. Takes him and hour and a half to watch 60 Minutes.
18. Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby.
His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.