Once upon a time there lived a man who had a maddening passion for baked
beans. He loved 'em, but always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively
reaction. Then, one day he met a girl and fell in love. Then it was appar-
ent that they would marry and he thought to himself, "She is such a sweet
girl and she will never go for this kind of carrying on." So, he made the
supreme sacrifice and gave up baked beans. Soon they were married.
Some months later his car broke down on his way home and since they
lived in the country, he called his wife and told her that he would be late
because he had to walk home. On his way he passed a small cafe and the odor
of freshly baked beans was irresistible. Since he still had several miles
to walk he figured the he would work off any ill effects before he got
home, so he stopped at the cafe.
Before leaving, he had eaten three large orders of baked beans. All the
way home he putt-putted and after arriving home, felt reasonably sure that
he had putt-putted his last. His wife seemed somewhat agitated, but
excited, to see him and exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful
surprise for dinner tonight!!!"
She then blindfolded him and lead him to his chair at the head of the
dining table. He seated himself and just as she was ready to remove the
blindfold, the telephone rang.
She made him promise to not touch the blindfold until she returned, and
then she went to answer the phone.
Seeing the opportunity, he shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It
was not only loud, but as ripe as rotten eggs. He then took his napkin from
his lap and fanned the air about him. Things had just returned to normal
when he felt another urge coming on, so he shifted his weight to the other
leg and let go again. This was a true prize winner! While keeping his ears
on the conversation in the hall, he went on like this for 10 minutes until
he heard the phone farewells, indicating the end of his freedom.
He placed the napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it, and
smiling contentedly to himself, was the picture of innocence when his wife
returned, apologizing for taking so long.
She asked if he had peeked and he, of course, assured her that he had
not. At this point she removed the blindfold and there was his surprise;
twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...