1. The boss appears at your cubicle and finds you playing DOOM at
your desk, you...
A) Swear to take the game off your hard drive forever, but first
make a copy for his kid.
B) Inform him that you're planting a virus in the program so that
everyone who plays it on company time will get reported to Human
C) Tell him that whatever he wants will have to wait until you've
finished the level.
2. There's a cush job opening in the mail department, stuffing
envelopes with free samples. It pays twice as much as your
current position. What do you do?
A) Meekly suggest to your boss that transferring you might improve
the morale of everyone who's been working with you.
B) Politely ask your boss for a transfer and offer to split the
salary increase 50/50 with him.
C) Barge into your bosses office and demand reassignment so that
you, "Won't have to work under someone who should have retired
before he became a laughingstock."
3. When your boss throws a party and invites everyone in the office
except you, what do you do?
A) Stay home and watch 'I Love Lucy' reruns.
B) Show up at the party anyway, with a really expensive bottle of
wine and a briefcase full of small, unmarked bills.
C) Go over to your bosses house after everyone has left and throw
rocks at the windows, shouting obscenities.
4. Your boss criticizes your work unjustly; what do you do?
A) Listen politely, and then apologize.
B) Blame someone else.
C) Climb on top of your desk, and hold up a piece of paper on
which you've written the word "union."
5. When the CEO parks his car in your spot, you...
A) Wash and wax it, then leave your business card under the
B) Key it ... then tell the CEO's secretary you saw your boss near
it, loitering suspiciously.
C) Key it ... then proudly tell the CEO's secretary that you did it.
6. Your boss asks you to play Kooky the Clown for his kid's fifth
birthday party, what do you do?
A) Offer to pay for the costume rental and cake, too.
B) Agree to do it, then blackmail a co-worker into doing it while
pretending to be you.
C) Agree to do it, then show up as yourself and tell the children
that Kooky is dead.
7. Your boss' gorgeous daughter comes on to you. How do you react?
A) Tell her that you feel it would be unethical for you to date the
boss' daughter, but that you would be honored to pay for her to
go to the movie by herself.
B) Slip her a mickey, then marry her before she sobers up.
C) Tell her you would love to go out with her, because you like cheap
women, but you prefer them to be at least slightly attractive.
8. The boss accuses you of not keeping the office clean; you...
A) Clean the office while he supervises.
B) Tell him that you delegated the job, then fire the underling you
supposedly gave the job to.
C) Clean the office again, but this time, you use your boss' face.
Mostly A's: You have nothing to worry about. They'll never fire
you because you're a doormat.
Mostly B's: You're not just going to keep your job, with your
complete disregard for other peoples feelings, you'll positively
shoot up the ladder of success. Congratulations! You're a real
Mostly C's: You are a career kamikaze. The boss would have fired
you long ago, but he's terrified of what you might do.
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...