Venting If I Enter An Elevator And My Floor Is Pushed, I Always Push It Again Because I Know I'm A Better Driver.

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If I enter an elevator and my floor is pushed, I always push it again
because I know I'm a better driver.

You know you've reached middle age when your wife tells you to pull
in your stomach and you already have.

Given the time men spend thinking about women, it's amazing they
still have time to mess up the world.

Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it
holds the universe together.

After 30 years of marriage, I've finally got my wife trained so well
that I do everything she wants me to.

There is absolutely no truth to the rumor that Microsoft included
solitaire with Windows so you'd have something to do while you wait
for Windows to crash.

It's hard to tell exactly what Jesse Helms means by "family values."
It seems that he wants to compel parents and their children to sit
together and watch Pat Robertson on TV while they all smoke