Ways The FBI Can Apologize To Richard Jewell 16> One Burger And Fries, Coming Right Up!

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Ways the FBI Can Apologize to Richard Jewell

16> One burger and fries, coming right up!

15> Gift-wrapped VHS box set of White House surveillance footage
of JFK "gettin' it on."

14> "Special Guest Executioner" for Tim McVeigh.

13> A new pick-up, a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon and a fabulous
fun-filled weekend with Janet Reno.

12> The "We're mostly sorry but we still think you did it" bouquet
from FTD.

11> Coupon for free wiretap with purchase of any illegal

10> Send Special Agent Richard Simmons by with an "I'm sorry" hug
and a set of Deal-a-Meal cards.

9> Let him help with some serious-ass surveillance on that commie,
Tom Brokaw.

8> Allow him to select his very own dress from J. Edgar Hoover's
private closet.

7> Put him in charge of marshmallow toasting at the FBI's next
cult compound burning.

6> An official FBI "Definitely Not a Terrorist" wallet card.

5> Grant him permission to detonate a pipe bomb under the Spice
Girl of his choice.

4> Nothing says "I'm sorry!" like five pounds of plastic

3> Gets to play Elvis in scene with President Nixon in remake of
the "FBI Story."

2> Send him off on a special "undercover" assignment at Hooters.

and the Number 1 Way the FBI Can Apologize to Richard Jewell...

1> "Rutti Tutti Fresh and Fruity" at IHOP for a year.

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