100. Q: What Is The Difference Between Butter And A Blonde?

HomeShort JokesBlondes

100. Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde?
A: Butter is difficult to spread.

101. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A1: You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
A2: You can't fit the blonde in the bowling ball.
A3: There is no difference. They're both round and have
three holes to poke.
A4: You don't eat your bowling ball

102. Q: What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
A: Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter.

121. Q: What did the blonde's mom say to her before the blonde's date?
A: If you're not in bed by 12, come home.

122. Q: What's the blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well..
I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

123. Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A: Change.

124. Q: How does a blonde moonwalk?
A: She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!

125. Q: Why do blondes find it difficult to marry?
A: Because you don't have to marry them for sex!

126. Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla?
A: Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do.

127. Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."

128. Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.

129. Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.

130. Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw
puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

131. Q: What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
A: "Nice tits!"

132. Q: How does a blonde high-5?
A: She smacks herself in the forehead.

133. Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

134. Q: Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?
A: Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.

135. Q: Why do blondes have legs?
A1: So they don't get stuck to the ground.
A2: To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.
A3: So they don't leave trails, like little snails.

136. Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn around
and come home?
A: It took her that long to discover that a 14-inch Viking was a

137. Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
A1: The blonde!
A2: The other guys waiting their turn.

138. Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
A: Flattered.

139. Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
A: They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1".

140. Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked
up by "the fuzz"?
A: "No. But I've been swung around by the tits."

141. Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
A: Frosted Flakes.

142. Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A: Frosted Flakes.

143. Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.

144. Q: What's the difference between a blonde having her period and
a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

145. Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

146. Q: Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow?
A1: So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits.
A2: So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo.

147. Q: Why don't blondes breast feed?
A: Because they always burn their nipples.

148. Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A: She kept having affairs with men!

149. Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
A: To cover up the valve stem.

150. Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.

151. Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A: A Space Invader.

152. Q: What's a blondes' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.

153. Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.

154. Q: Why do blondes drive VW's?
A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!

155. Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday mornings?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night!

156. Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q: Why did God create brunettes?
A: Neither could the blondes.

157. Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.

158. Q: How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.

159. Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A1: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
A2: So that when they're on the train they can tell
if they're going to work or coming home.

160. Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A: A blonde electrician.

161. Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A1: So brunettes can remember them.
A2: Because blondes are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit.
A3: So men can understand them.

162. Q: Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde?
A: She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children!

163. Q: What do you call a smart blonde?
A1: A golden retriever.
A2: A labrador.
A3: An indicator of a really bad hangover.

187. Q: What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac,
and a blonde?
A: The prostitute says, "Aren't you done yet?"
The nympho says, "Are you done already?"
The blonde says, "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."

188. Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: Tell her she's pregnant.
Q: What will she ask you?
A: "Is it mine?"

189. Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
A: An air bag.

190. Q: Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde
drives a car?
A: Cause she blows the horn!

191. Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.

192. Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.

A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

194. Q: What is happening when you hear varoom...screech, varoom...screech,
A: A blonde trying to drive through an intersection with a flashing
red light.

195. Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.

196. Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death
in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

197. Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating?
A: By the buckle print on her forehead.

198. Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?
A: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her

199. Q: What is the blonde's chronic speech impediment?
A: She can't say "No".

200. Q: What did they name the offspring of a blonde and a Puerto Rican?
A: Retardo.

201. Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?
A: A visitor.

202. Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

203. Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
A: A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces.

204. Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.

205. Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-air.

206. Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

207. Q: Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor?
A: She thought it was pregnant because missed a period.

208. Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!

209. Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
A: The Air Pump!

210. Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!

211. Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.

212. Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.

213. Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?
A1: Forget the road, what was she doing out of the bedroom!?
A2: I don't know.
R: Neither did she.

214. Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.

215. Did you here about the blonde that stayed up all night to see
where the sun went ? It finally dawned on her.

216. A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw
a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute,
she said to herself "oh well !" and turned around an drove home.

On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said
"CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she
had cleaned 43 restrooms.

217. How about the suicide blonde,
she dyed by her own hand.

218. A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette
says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie." The blonde stops,
looks up, and says, "Where?"

219. A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the
wrong way on a one-way street.
Cop: Do you know where you were going?
Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the
people were leaving.

220. A cop stops a blonde woman who was driving down a motorway.
"Miss, may I see your driver's licence please?"
"Driver's licence? What's that?..."
"It's a little card with your picture on it."
"Oh, duh! Here it is..."
"May I have your car insurance?"
"What's that?..."
"It's a document that says you are allowed to drive the car."
"Oh this? Duh! Here you go..."
The cop then takes his dick out of his pants, while the blonde
"Oh no, not another breathalyzer test!"

221. Hubby: As a start I think you should learn to "iron," then we
could do without the ironing lady.
Blonde Wife: Well if you would learn to Fuck me properly we could do
without the gardener.

222. A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:
Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!
Blonde: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.
Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.
Blonde: ( looking shocked ) Oh, you mean with one guy.

223. Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of
them decides to call 911:

227. Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down
and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looks
and says "Those arn't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No.
Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguig, and one
half hour later they were both killed by a train.

228. The blonde came running downstairs, crying. Her mother asked what
was wrong and the blonde said her boyfriend had just dropped her.
Her mother (a blonde) nodded wisely and proceeded to tell her about
the birds and the bees and the blonde said: "No ma. I can fuck and
suck with the best of them. But he says I can't cook."

229. Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of
their Mercedes with a coat hanger.

Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!

Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting
to rain and the top is down!

230. A blonde was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird flying
overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over
her. The blonde says, "Good thing I had my mouth open, or that would've
hit me right in the face!!!"

Or: "Good thing that cows don't fly."

231. A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly
Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to come into
Heaven, you have to pass a test."
"Oh, No!" she said but Saint Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy.
"Who was God's son?" said Saint Peter.
The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!"
"That's interesting... What made you say that?" said Saint Peter
Then She started to sing "Andy walks with me! Andy talks with me!
Andy tells me..."

232. Did you hear about the blonde that went to library and checked out
a book called "How to Hug"? Got back to the dorm and found out it
was volume seven of the encyclopaedia...

233. A blonde's response to the comment, "THINK about it!":
"I don't have to think -- I'm blonde!"

234. A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the
Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
Bartender:"What is a B and C?".
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
Bartender: "What's a 15?"
Blonde: "7 and 7"

235. A government study has shown that blondes do have more fun - they
just don't remember who with.

236. Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw
a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat. The driver
blonde turned to her friend and said "You know - it's blondes like
that that give us a bad name!" To this the other blonde replied "I
know it, and if I knew how to swim I'd go out there and drown her."

237. ... then there was the blonde who started the restaurant with the
slogan "Billions Served - just today"

238. Q. How can you tell that a blonde's having a bad day.
A. She has a tampon tucked behind her ear, and she can't find her pencil.

239. Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
A: The rest are hunt'n peckers.

240. Q: What do you call a blond mother-in-law?
A: An air bag.

241. Q: Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee?
A: It's too hard to re-train them.

242. Q: What do blondes wear behind their ears to attract men.
A: Their heels.

243. Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.

244. Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.

245. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A: It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.

246. Q: What is foreplay for a blonde?
A: Thirty minutes of begging.

247. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?
A: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.

248. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?
A1: You need a quarter to use the phone.
A2: Only one person can use the phone at once.

249. Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
A: They've both swallowed a lot of semen.

250. Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless
Ming vase?
A: "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."

251. Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.

252. Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a blonde.

253. Q: Why did god give blonds 2% more brains than horses?
A: Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during parades.

254. Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.

255. Q: How does a blonde measure his/her IQ?
A: With a tire gauge! (da da dum)

256. Q: How does a blonde get pregnant?
A: And I thought blondes were dumb!

257. Q: What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?
A: A know-it-all bitch.

258. Q: What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a
skinny blonde?
A: One's a phony buck.

259. Q: What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and
a magician?
A: A magician has a cunning array of stunts.

260. Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
A: One that never misses a period.

261. Q: What does a blonde think an innuendo is?
A: An Italian suppository.

262. Q: Why don't a blondes guts fall out of her twat when she stands?
A: Because the vaccum in her head keeps them in place.

280. Q: Why do men like blonde jokes??
A: Because they can understand them.

281. Q: Why do blondes like lightning?
A: They think someone is taking their picture.

282. Q: Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a
flat forehead?
A: Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!

283. Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
A: From eating with forks.

284. Q: Why do blondes have big bellybuttons?
A: From dating blonde men.

285. Q: Why do blondes wear tampons?
A: Because crabs like Bungie Jumping too.

286. Q: But why do brunettes take the pill ?
A: Wishful Thinking.

287. Q: Why don't blondes double recipes?
A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.

288. Q: Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.

289. Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
A1: They can't remember the number.
A2: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.

290. Q: What do you call a blonde touching her toes?
A: A brunette with bad breath.

291. Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner?
A: Reservations.

292. Q: What do blondes do after they comb their hair?
A: They pull up their pants.

293. Q: What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool?
A: Air bubbles.

294. Q: What do you call 3 blondes, a chimp, and another blonde standing on a
street corner?
A: 4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, not for a zillion f*cks, 4 f*cks!

295. Q: What do you call a blonde lesbian?
A: A waste.

296. Q: What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground?
A: An air mattress.

297. Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
A: Divorcee'

298. Q: What do you call a hooker and four blondes?
A: Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks,
four bucks.

299. Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?

300. Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?
A: A brain tumor.

301. Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
A: Two brunettes.

302. Q: What do a blonde and President Gorbachev have in common?
A: They both got fucked by 10 men whilst on holiday.
Q2: What's the difference between a blonde and President Gorbachev?
A: He knows who the ten men were.

303. Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.

304. Q: Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at BYU?
A: Too many blondes were drowning.

305. Q: Why did Bush want to send blondes with PMS over to Iraq?
A: They're mad enough to kill and they can retain water.

306. Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said

307. Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

308. Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

309. Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veternarian?
A: Because she loved children.

310. Q: If an blonde and a brunette jumped off a bridge,
who would die first?
A: The brunette -- because the blonde would have to
stop and ask for directions.

311. Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade 4.

312. What are the worst six years in a blonde's life?
A: Third Grade.

313. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
A: A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.

314. Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.

315. Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
A: Because at 69 they blow a rod...

316. Q: Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?
A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.

317. Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.

318. Q: Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A: They both drip when they're fucked.

319. Q: How would a blond punctuate the following?:
"Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!

320. Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.

321. Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm.
She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"

322. Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should
cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

323. Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.

324. Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.