Wary: "Hello, welcome to Wary Klink Live. Tonight's guests will be
First Lady elect Pillory Clinton. In our second hour, our
guest will be Dr. Heidrich Von Schmillshonshtenstenton D.D.S.,
P.A., Ph.D., M.D., A.C.L.U A.F.L.-C.I.O, A.S.A.P., A.S.P.C.A.,
S.P.Q.R., C.I.A., F.B.I., I.R.S., nd H.R.S., discussing the
finer points of redneck philosophy. (Titles and Degrees 1.)
Welcome Mrs. Clinton.
Pillory: Thank you it is a pleasure to be here.
Wary: Now, we will open the phones in a moment, but first, how does
it feel to have singlehandedly ruined this country's economic
structure? (Emotional Terms 2.)
Pillory: Wonderful, Wary. It's an incredible power trip to hold the
future of an entire nation in your hands. I won't enjoy
destroying this nation from the ground up, much, but it must
be done. Change must come, and tearing it up and starting
from scratch is the only way.(Radicalism 3.)
Wary: Well, good for you. Now, to our first caller from Xanadu,
Caller 1: Miz Klinton, I am a profezzor of Eaztern Philozophiez, and I
find your previouz statements to be grozzly offenzive. How
can you claim that a pro Marxist/Leninst/Stalinist policy is
the best course when Lao Tsu clearly statez that eventz muzt
be allowed to take their courze if the society is to reach a
higher level.(Status 4.)
Pillory: Everyone is against me, I can't understand it, I want to help
Wary: Next caller. (Click) Umm...this caller is from Pigsnout,
Caller II: (German accent) Hello, this is Dr. Schimillschonshtenstenton,
I regret that I will be unable to attend your show this
evening as I have had car trouble here in town. However the
wonderful people of the town have graciouly offered to
provide the entertainment for the evening.
Wary: How is that Mr Schim... Doctor
Caller II: We are going to watch some film called "Deliverance". I'm
told it's quite good.
Wary: I'm terribly sorry doctor, but enjoy the movie.
Caller II: I'm cartain I will, they are such a polite and forthcoming
people (Appearance 5.)
Wary: Our next caller is from San Juan, excuse me San Joo Wahn, Texas
Caller 3: (southern twang) I want to talk to that wife of a commie
Wary: Please, sir, keep the insults to a minimum.
Caller 3: Bush and Quayle weren't that bad, we have had 12 years of
republican presidency, why change it now? (Conservatism 6.)
Pillory: I find it impossible to believe that anyone could find any
benefit from a republican presidency! (Inconceivability 7.)
Caller 3: You What!
Wary: People, don't fight. I'm sure the answer lies somewhere
between your two views. Can't we all just get along?
Wary: Okay. Next caller from Vallder, Colorado.
Caller 4: Hi, my name is Edward Winslow, and I am a former Perot
Class: HI EDWARD!
Caller 4: I really don't understand all this pro-Clinton sentiment.
Clinton's presidency will be the biggest bomb in American
history (Metaphor 8.)
Wary: Sure. Ms Clinton, your response.
Pillory: I agree, my presidency will be an explosive one, impacting
every aspect of American society. (Shift of Meaning 9.)
Wary: Excuse me, I think he means...
Pillory: Next caller.
Wary: ... that ...
Pillory: NEXT CALLER
Wary: (sigh) from Waldorf, Michigan.
Caller 5: Ms. Clinton, I agree with you whole-heartedly in every aspect
of your philosophy. Your views on the socio-political
ramifications of the subcouncious integral psychosexual male
egobarrier are simply brilliant. (Technical Jargon 10.)
Pillory: Shut up, Wary.
Pillory: Stay on the line caller, I'll discuss my new theories and
policies with you after the show.
Wary: Can I have my show back now?
Pillory: Yes, you may.
Wary: Next Caller from New Jonestown, Arkansas.
Caller 6: We just called to say that all five thousand of us here in New
Jonestown support you Ms Clinton, and we're holding a party in
your honor, hey, this many of us can't all be wrong. (aside)
Hey, is that Kool-Aid ready yet? (Numbers 11.)
Pillory: It's good to know that some americans are intelligent, thank
you for your support.
Wary: Next caller from Gernee, New Zealand.
Caller 6: 'ello, I can't see why you yanks dumped Bush, af'er all, you
know what they say. "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."
(Sophistical Formula 12.)
Wary: Excellent, my foreign friend.
Pillory: Just what we need, competitors telling us how to run our
country. This is what dragged us down in the first place.
(Causal Oversimplification 12).
Wary: Next Caller, after all we wouldn't want to run up his phone
Pillory: I have a few choice words for that man!
Wary: Too late Pillory, next caller from New Orleans, Louisiana.
Caller 7: Yeah, is this Geno's Bar?
Wary: No, wrong number
Caller 7: You sure this ain't Geno's?
Wary: Yes, this is Wary Klink, Live.
Caller 7: Oh, anyway, you really ought to try Geno's. It has awesome
food. Geno's is my favorite bar. In fact, why don't you come
to Geno's after work? (Repetition 13.)
Wary: Next caller from Fallax, Montana.
Caller 8: Clintons Must Die! Clintons Must Die! Clintons Must Die!
Wary: Next Caller.
Caller 9: Hi, I'm from Boston, and what I want to know is why people
would elect someone like you as President. I mean that's
like putting a serial killer in a nursing home. (Similie 15.)
Pillory: What is wrong with you people? What good could come from any
Republican, no matter how liberal? (Prejudice 16.)
Wary: Next Caller from Saldo, California.
Caller 10: Ms Clinton, I'm sure your administration will have long
lasting effects on the nations future. (Vagueness 17.)
Pillory: ... Thank You...
Wary: Next Caller from Juno Alaska.
Caller 11: Congratulations on winning the White House, Ms. Clinton. May
your term of office be short and uneventful.
Wary: Next caller from Little Rock Arkansas.
Caller 12: Honey, this is Fuzzy, what kind of peanut butter was I
supposed to get.
Pillory: Jif, Bill.
Caller 12: Oops, I got skippy, but you can't really blame me, after all,
I have so much to remember. All those bills you told me to
sign, an entire shopping list, what size panty hose you
wear... (Rationalization 18.)
Wary: Panty Hose?
Pillory: Bill, that was inappropriate.
Caller 12: Hey, if you can call me out of a disaster relief meeting to
tell me to pick up some tuna, I should certainly be able to
call you about peanut butter! (Nor Drawing the Line 19.)
Wary: Panty Hose?
Pillory: Is it too much for me to hope for that you would remember
three senteces together without a week's worth of coaching?
Caller 12: Next caller.
Wary: Hoboken, New Jersey. (aside) Panty Hose?
Caller 13: Hi, I'm a ultra-ultra left Marxist. I think that if we just
dissolved all the world governments, every one would stop
fighting and save the environment. (Wishful Thinking 20.)
Pillory: Sure, and Stalin was a humanitarian.
Wary: Next Caller from Nattlemeyer, Vermont
Caller 14: I am a Political Science professor from Mannington College
and I find that both sides have their merits. I feel that
more data must be gathered before we can decide if replacing
Bush was a positive step. (Academic Detatchment 21.)
Pillory: Look, we won't have any fence walkers in this administration!
Either you support the reforms we will make, or you are
against them, period. (Drawing the line 22.)
Wary: Gee, we have another caller, what a surprise.
Caller 15: Hey, I've got your number boss-lady. You claim that you want
to help the nation, yet your husband said, and I quote "...We
will if elected, ... raise taxes, ... send ... jobs
overseas,... and spend more..." (Quotation out of Context 23.)
Pillory: I don't recall him saying any such thing.
Caller 15: He said EVERY word of it ma'am.
Pillory: I'm sure he did SAY every word of it, just not all together.
Wary: One last caller and then our time is up for the evening.
Kalleytrepp, your on the air.
Caller 16: Mrs. Clinton...
Caller 16: Excuse me?
Pillory: Ms., not Mrs. Mrs. is an archaic and degrading term whose
sole purpose is to keep women in their traditional role as
second class citizens.
Caller 16: Can you please define a "second class citizen"
Pillory: Certainly, one who is denied certain rights and privaleges
Caller 16: Such as?
Pillory: Such as... Well um, take for example..(Abstract Terms 25.)
Wary: That's all the time we have this evening, we'll see you next
week when we will have lame duck president George Bush as our
Remember, send praises, flames, and bomb threats to firstname.lastname@example.org!
No, but on last night's tv show, Rush mentioned the new song, "Inhale to the