Remember: Don't send to me and rec.humor at the same time. Try to wait.
From werner Wed Jul 13 14:06:34 1988
From: funny@looking.UUCP (Funny Guy)
Subject: The Oneliner file Annual
Keywords: racist, sexist, sexual, chuckle
Date: 16 Sep 88 15:30:04 GMT
Here it is folks, the oneliner file. Over the past year, I have
received several short submissions that were mildly funny, but
not quite good enough or topical enough to merit their own posting.
I have collected them all for you, and it's time to flush the
buffer. These vary in quality quite a bit, and are not rated.
Please don't take this as an invitation to send me your own
favourite one liners. There are thousands of these things in
the world, and I don't have time to sift through them except on
an infrequent basis. Remember, one joke per submission.
My advice is to read this file slowly if you can, one joke at a
time. Oneliner jokes are often ruined if read together in
Here are more of the ever-popular daffynitions. I have never seen this
particular group before, but I won't swear that they haven't been around.
I don't know the original source; this was mailed to me by a friend.
Apple - Typically a device to seduce men, usually equipped with a
File - What your secretary does to her nails when the computer is doing
all of the work
Loop - a method of execution no longer in vogue, except in Iran.
MegaHertz - a VERY large car rental company
Real Time - Here and Now, as opposed to Fake time which occurs there and then
Bankers' Hours: That part of the day when it is too hot to play golf.
[This article is reprinted from Pedantic Monthly with permission of the editor.
The following laws are assembled from a variety of sources too numerous to
cite. We thought we should say that lest you think we made
them up, assembled them for the first time, or something like that...]
o Faber's Law: If there isn't a law, there will be.
o Weiler's Law: Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to
do it himself(or doesn't know any better).
o Ross' Law: Never characterize the importance of a statement in
o Secretary's rule of meetings: The time taken up by a meeting will
always be at least 5 times the time needed by the secretary to do
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...