It Seems That In This Small Mid-western Town A Minister Was Given Gifts By His Congregation.

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It seems that in this small mid-western town a minister was given gifts
by his congregation. An eldery woman comes up to him and presents him
with several home-baked pies. He graciously accepts her gifts and
heads for home.

Later on, he and his friends decide to try these pies only to find that
they are possibly the worst examples of Man's cooking skills yet to be
discovered. Try as they might, they could not stomache the goods and
finally were forced to dump the entire lot into the garbage.

At the next week's service, the minister was greeted by the eldery woman
again who asked, "Sir, did you enjoy my pies? I made them especially for
you.." Not wishing to hurt the poor woman's feelings, and yet wishing
to stay to the true course set for him, what could he do? Finally,
inspiration hits upon him.

"Madam, as God is my witness, I can truly say that no pie like yours lasts
long around our house."

There was this bloke who came all excited into the patents
office with his latest invention, which he presents to the
patents clerk:
"But what's this!" says the clerk "An apple! I'm sorry sir
but you have to realise that you can't patent an apple."
"But taste it, taste it" says the apple patenter.
The clerk tastes the apple "Just as I say, it's an apple,
and you can't patent it".
"But turn it around!" says the patenter "Turn it around!".
The clerk does so, and takes a bite, and to his supprise, it
tastes of pear.
"Interesting" says the clerk "but to be honest, it hardly
seems worth patenting. I mean, if you want apple you buy
apple, and if you want pear you buy pear. Why patent this
The patenter becomes rather dejected, lowers his head, and
leaves. However, three months later he returns, once more in
an exited state, and hands the clerk an apple.
"Taste it, taste it" says the patenter.
The clerk tasts the apple. "Apple!" says the clerk "If I'm
not mistaken common Cox's Orange Pippin!"
"But turn it around!" says the patenter "Turn it around!".
The clerk does so, to find that the other side tasts of
"Very novel" says the clerk "But take my advice. Nobody
wants an apple that tasts banana when they can buy the real
thing. You really shouldn't trouble yourself."
Dispondent and dejected, the patenter turns his back and
However, three months later, he ruturns, now even more
excited than before.
"I've got it!" he exclames "This is the big one! I have
finally developed the apple that tastes of WOMAN !
Somewhat suspiciously, the clerk takes the apple and bites.
"Yeeaaauurrghgh" he screams, coughing and spluttering,
"Are you mad! It's horrible! My god it tastes of, tastes
of... of ..SHIT!"

"But turn it around!" says the patenter "Turn it around!".