Congratulations on your purchase of Windows 98 (C), the latest version of
the world's #1 computer operating system from Microsoft.
Before using your new software, please take the time to read these
instructions carefully. Failure to do so may further limit the terms of the
Windows 98 (C) represents a significant technological improvement over
Microsoft's previous operating system, Windows 95 (C). You'll notice
immediately that "98" is a higher number than "95," a better than 3 percent
increase. But that's not all. Windows 98 (C) contains many features not
found in Windows 95 (C), or in any competing computer operating system, if
there were any. Among the improvements: faster storing and retrieving of
files (not in all models), enhanced "Caps Lock" and back-space
functionality, smoother handling, less knocking and pinging, an
easy-to-follow 720-page User's Guide, and rugged weather-resistant shrink
wrap around the box. Most important, Windows 98 (C) offers superior
compatibility with all existing Microsoft products. We're betting that
you'll never use another company's software again.
Windows 98 (C) comes factory-loaded with the latest version of Microsoft
Internet Explorer, the world's most popular Internet browser. And despite
what you may have heard from the U.S. Department of Justice, Windows 98 (C)
offers you the freedom to select the Internet browser of your choice,
whether it's the one produced by the world's largest and most trusted
producer, or by a smaller company that will either go out of business or
become part of the Microsoft family.
Configuring Windows 98 (C) to use a browser other than Microsoft Internet
Explorer is easy. Simply open the "Options" folder, click on the "time
bomb" icon, and select "Load Inferior Browser." A dialog box will ask "Are
you sure?" Click "yes." This question may be asked several more times in
different ways; just keep clicking "yes." Eventually, the time-bomb icon
will enlarge to fill the entire screen, signifying that the browser is
being loaded. You'll know the browser is fully loaded when the fuse on the
time bomb "runs out" and the screen "explodes." If at any time after
installation you become disappointed with the slow speed and frequent data
loss associated with other browsers, simply tap the space bar on your
keyboard. Microsoft Internet Explorer will automatically be re-installed --
Windows 98 (C) also corrects, for the first time anywhere, the "Year 2000"
computer problem. As you may know, most computers store the current year as
a two-digit number and, as a result, many will mistake the year 2000 for
1900. Windows 98 (C) solves the problem by storing the year as a four-digit
number and, in theory, you won't have to upgrade this part of the
operating system until the year 10000.
However, the extra memory required to record the year in four digits has
prompted a few minor changes in the software's internal calendar.
Henceforth, Saturday and Sunday will be stored as single day, known as
"Satsun," and the month of June will be replaced by two 15-day months
called "Bill" and "Melinda."
Please also take the time to complete the online registration form. It only
takes a few minutes and will help us identify the key software problems our
customers want addressed. Be assured that none of the information you
provide, whether it's your Social Security number, bank records,
fingerprints, retina scan or purchasing habits, will be shared with any
outside company not already designated as a Microsoft DataShare partner.
We've done our best to make using Windows 98 (C) as trouble-free as
possible. We want to hear from you if you're having any problems at all
with your software. Simply call our toll-free Helpline and follow the
recorded instructions carefully. (The Helpline is open every day but
Satsun, and is closed for the entire month of Bill.)
If we don't hear from you, we'll assume your software is working perfectly,
and an electronic message to that effect will be forwarded to the Justice
Department. We'll also send, in your name, a letter to the editor of your
hometown newspaper, reminding him or her that American consumers want
software designed by companies that are free to innovate, not by government
Again, thanks for choosing Windows 98 (C).