PO Box 1302
Minnetonka, MN 55345
Superior Health Insurance
ATTN: Claims Review
1423 W. 90th St.
New York, NY 05016
This letter is in response to your recent letter requesting a more detailed
explanation concerning my recent internment at Methodist Hospital.
Specifically, you asked for an expansion in reference to Block 21(a)(3) of
the claim form (reason for hospital visit). On the original form, I put
``Stupidity''. I realize now that this answer was somewhat vague and so I
will attempt to more fully explain the circumstances leading up to my
I had needed to use the restroom and had just finished a quick bite to eat
at the local burger joint. I entered the bathroom, took care of my
business, and just prior to the moment in which I had planned to raise my
trousers, the locked case that prevents theft of the toilet paper in such
places came undone and, feeling it striking my knee, unthinkingly, I
immediately, and with unnecessary force, returned the lid back to its
Unfortunately, as I did this I also turned and certain parts of my body,
which were still exposed, were trapped between the device's lid and its
main body. Feeling such intense and immediate pain caused me to jump back.
It quickly came to my attention that, when one's privates are firmly
attached to an unmovable object, it is not a good idea to jump in the
Upon recovering some of my senses, I attempted to reopen the lid. However,
my slamming of it had been sufficient to allow the locking mechanism to
engage. I then proceeded to get a hold on my pants and subsequently removed
my keys from them. I intended to try to force the lock of the device open
with one of my keys; thus extracting myself.
Unfortunately, when I attempted this, my key broke in the lock.
Embarrassment of someone seeing me in this unique position became a minor
concern, and I began to call for help in as much of a calm and rational
manner as I could. An employee from the restaurant quickly arrived and
decided that this was a problem requiring the attention of the store
Betty, the manager, came quickly. She attempted to unlock the device with
her keys. Since I had broken my key off in the device, she could not get
her key in. Seeing no other solution, she called the EMS (as indicated on
your form in block 21(b)(1)).
After approximately 15 minutes, the EMS arrived, along with two police
officers, a fire-rescue squad, and the channel 4 ``On-the-Spot'' news
team.The guys from the fire department quickly took charge as this was
obviously a rescue operation.
The senior member of the team discovered that the device was attached with
bolts to the cement wall that could only be reached once the device was
unlocked. His discovery was by means of tearing apart the device located in
the stall next to the one that I was in. (Since the value of the property
destroyed in his examination was less than $50 (my deductible) I did not
include it in my claim.) His partner, who seemed like an intelligent fellow
at the time, came up with the idea of cutting the device from the wall with
the propane torch that was in the rescue truck.
The fireman went to his truck, retrieved the torch, and commenced to
attempt to cut the device from the wall. Had I been in a state to think of
such things, I might have realized that in cutting the device from the wall
several things would also inevitably happen. First, the air inside of the
device would quickly heat up, causing items inside the device to suffer the
same effects that are normally achieved by placing things in an oven.
Second, the metal in the device is a good conductor of heat causing items
that are in contact with the device to react as if thrown into a hot
skillet. And, third, molten metal would shower the inside of the device as
the torch cut through.
The one bright note of the propane torch was that it did manage to cut, in
the brief time that I allowed them to use it, a hole big enough for a small
pry bar to be placed inside of the device. The EMS team then loaded me,
along with the device, into the waiting ambulance as stated on your form.
Due the small area of your block 21(a)(3), I was unable to give a full
explanation of these events, and thus used the word which I thought best
described my actions that led to my hospitalization.