The British government's policy of socialized medicine has recently been
broadened to include a service called "Proxy Fathers". Under the
government's plan, any married woman who is unable to become pregrant
during the first five years of her marriage may request the service of a
"Proxy Father," a government employee who attempts to solve the woman's
problem by getting her pregnant.
The Smiths, a young married couple, have no children and the government man
is due to arrive. Mr. Smith, on leaving, says "I'm off, the government man
should be here soon." INSTEAD, however, a door-to-door photographer, who
happens to specialize in baby pictures, comes to the Smith's trying to sell
The conversation went as follows:
Ms. Smith: Good morning.
Salesman: Good morning, you don't know me but I've come to...
Ms. Smith: Oh, you don't have to explain. My husband told me you were
Salesman: Oh? Well good. I've made a specialty of babies, especially twins.
Ms. Smith: That's what my husband said. Please sit down.
Salesman: Then your husband probably told you that ...
Ms. Smith: Oh yes, we both agreed this is the best thing to do.
Salesman: Well, in that case perhaps we should get right on with it.
Ms. Smith: (blushing) Well, just where do we start?
Salesman: Just leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub,
one on the couch, and perhaps a couple in the bed. Sometimes the living
room floor works well.
Ms. Smith: Bathroom!! Living room floor!! No wonder it hasn't worked for
Salesman: Well lady, none of us can guarantee a good one every time, but if
we try six or seven times one of 'em is bound to be a honey.
Ms. Smith: Pardon me, but isn't this a bit informal?
Salesman: No indeed, in my line a man can't do his work in a hurry.
Ms. Smith: Well have you had much sucess with this?
Salesman: (opening case and showing baby pictures) Just look at these
babies! They're all jobs I've handled. This one took four hours.
Ms. Smith: Yes, this is a lovely child.
Salesman: But, if you want to hear about a really tough assignment, look at
this picture. Believe it or not, it was done on top of a bus in downtown
Ms. Smith: OH MY GOD!!
Salesman: And here are pictures of the prettiest twins in town. They turned
exceptionally well when you consider that their mother was hard to work
Ms. Smith: Oh, she was?
Salesman: Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her down to Hyde Park
to get the job done right. People were all around four and five deep
pushing to get a good look.
Ms. Smith: Four and five deep!!!
Salesman: Yes, and for more than four hours too. But I finally got a couple
of buddies to keep them back. I could've shot again before dark, but by
that time the squirrels were beginning to nibble on my equipment and I had
to give up.
Ms. Smith: You mean they actually chewed on your ahhh - equipment?
Salesman: Yes, but it's all in a days work. I've spent three long years
perfecting my technique. Take this baby. I shot this one in the front
window of a big department store.
Ms. Smith: I can't believe it!
Salesman: Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll get my tripod.
Ms. Smith: TRIPOD???!!!
Salesman: Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my equipment on. It's much
too heavy to hold in my hand. Ms. Smith ... Ms. Smith... Ms. Smith ...
Goodness, she's fainted!!!